


When I Say "I Love You"

by Benedicthiddleston



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5+1, Birthday Present, Community: 1_million_words, M/M, Saying I Love You, fun stuff, monthly challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:51:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1688990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Benedicthiddleston/pseuds/Benedicthiddleston
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Spock accidentally said "I love you," and the one time Kirk said it back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Say "I Love You"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tkeyla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tkeyla/gifts).



> Written for the monthly challenge at [1_Million_Words LJ](http://1-million-words.livejournal.com/) 5+1 prompt "Five times _____ accidentally said "I love you," and the one time _____ said it back."
> 
> Also written for [tkeylasunset](http://tkeylasunset.livejournal.com/) and their birthday on May 31st! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I HOPE YOU ENJOY!
> 
> Spoilers for both movies. Essentially it is set before, during, and after Star Trek Into Darkness. 
> 
> No beta, proofread once.

+5

James T. Kirk had been Captain of the _USS Enterprise_ for five months. Things has been up and down for the whole crew – adjusting to life on a starship for longer than two weeks, doing missions and assignments given to them by Starfleet Command, and learning to cope with the aftermath of Nero and his destruction.

They knew what it meant to have failure. Vulcan was still on their minds. They knew what it meant to have success. They had saved Earth and countless other planets within the Federation. Now they were on their own, exploring and training – for what was anybody’s guess.

Commander Spock had come to start to respect Kirk as they lead the _Enterprise_ into dangerous missions and, on occasion, boring neutral zone maneuvers. They got on each other’s nerves frequently, but they wouldn’t have stopped being the best Captain and First Officer in the ‘Fleet if they didn’t find something to poke at the other once in a while.

The party had been impromptu. Lieutenant Nyota Uhura and two of her Communication Ensigns had successfully ended a tense captive situation involving Kirk and two security officers. Kirk had walked into the mess hall and the drinking had begun.

Somewhere along the way, Uhura was cuddled up to Spock, handing him piece by piece of chocolate.

Kirk sat down heavily next to Spock, watching Uhura carefully hand him a piece of chocolate. Spock obliged, his face a mixture of delight and passive emotion. Kirk wasn’t sure how to take it.

“Sure you’re doing the right thing for my First Officer here, Lieutenant?”

She snorted. “I would think you of all people would like to see a drunk Vulcan.”

“’m not drunk.”

“That’s what all Vulcans says.”

“C’ptain, as your First Officer, I must say-“

“Spock-“

“I love you.”

Uhura smirked and then proceeded to start laughing with absolute glee.

“That cannot be as funny as you are making it out to be.”

“It is just that funny, Captain.”

“I do not like this feeling.”

Kirk looked over at Spock. “And what feeling would that be, Spock?”

“I believe I am about to puke.”

Uhura spent the next fifteen minutes cleaning up Spock and herself before hauling him off to bed.

* * *

 

+4

Brushing their teeth at the same time had become a nightly ritual. For some reason, they always got off shift (Jim from on-call and Spock from the bridge) at the same time and prepared for bed at the exact same time.

Tonight was no different as Spock ran an electronic brush across his teeth, Jim doing the same as they gave each other side glances in the mirror.

“Bwissy day?” Jim managed to ask around a mouthful of mint flavored toothpaste. He was experimenting, changing it up from day to day. The day before it had been grape flavored toothpaste. It had tasted awful.

Spock’s left eyebrow rose as he continued to brush. His own attempt to speak was postponed until he finally spit, gracefully, into the sink.

“As your First Officer, I hold no pressing matters to report. It was, as you would say, a ‘very smooth and quiet’ shift.”

“Good,” Jim smiled as he also spit and shoved his toothbrush into its holder beside the sink. “I wanted it to be like that.”

“Captain, I must say that it has been a pleasure coming onto bridge shifts after you and I love you for it.”

Jim just chuckled as he moved towards the door adjacent to his specified Captain’s quarters. “Okay, Spock. You’re welcome. Have a good meditation and rest.”

Spock just blinked, unsure where that had come from. “Of course, Captain.”

“IT’S JIM!” Jim yelled as the door sealed shut between them.

* * *

 

+3

“I – I’m claiming my innocence in this whole disaster. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Your diplomacy needs work, Captain.”

Kirk glared at the wall in front of him. He would have glared at his First Officer had he not been forced to face the opposite direction after they had been beaten, questioned, tortured, and then thrown into two adjoining jail cells, bound back-to-back against rusting metal bars. The rope chaffed at Kirk’s wrists and held him tight to the bars. It dug into multiple deep and bleeding wounds. He was pretty sure he was coughing up blood.

“Yeah, well, again, not my fault. I just couldn’t defuse the problem. I swear, if they hurt anyone else-“

“Everyone escaped except us, Captain.”

Kirk groaned. “Damn it.”

“They will activate a rescue team promptly.”

“I know.”

Silence enveloped them. Spock had suffered few injuries, the majority inflicted on Kirk. He calculated a forty seven point eight percent chance of Kirk dying if medical care was not initiated within the next four point three hours.

They had been left alone for the past six point seven hours, but a guard had passed by them three times, silent and eyeing them uneasily. Kirk knew the language, but it hadn’t been enough to impress the locale of his ability to defuse the situation that had occurred within the ceremonial hall. Nurse Chapel had almost been married to a local priest and McCoy had been poisoned. It was suffice to say things had gone downhill from there.

“We’re going to be fine,” Kirk muttered, straining to get feeling back into his hands. It wasn’t working. The rope was too tight and the bars cold and unmoving.

Spock did not respond. He could not project such a saying, let alone grasp the meaning of the word. Fine was variable. Fine was not applicable. Fine was _not_ fine.

Three point six hours passed with very little conversation between the two commanding officers. Kirk barely moved. Spock tested the rope a few times, but he found he also did not hold the strength to break the bounds that held him, let alone Kirk. They were stuck until they were either dragged back for more questioning and torture or released or – dead.

“Do you know how to say gifted in Vulcan, Captain?”

Spock had been teaching Kirk Vulcan for the past two point six weeks. Kirk was a fast learner and was excelling at complicated words and sounds. He’d been taught the word for ‘gifted’ two days ago, prior to this mess. Spock wanted to keep Kirk talking and to keep his mind alert. Going over the words they had already learned was a good distraction to say the least.

“Captain?”

There was nothing, and Spock felt his heart pick up in pace. _No, no, no, too soon, too soon!_

“ Jim? _Jim?!_ ”

When still no response came, Spock shoved his back into the bars, his fingers struggling to untie the rope securing his body, his hands, his strength. “I – I love you. I need you to talk to me. Jim!” It was hopeless – Kirk didn’t answer and the rope didn’t break – it didn’t even _budge_.

That’s when he felt it. The pull of a transporter beam.

And then nothing.

* * *

 

+2

“Lieutenant Uhura, please contact Admiral Pike. We’ve got a mission to report.”

“Yes, sir.”

Five days after they had been thrown in a jail cell, Kirk and Spock were back on the bridge, clean, dry, and healed. Kirk knew it had been a failure of a mission and was on duty to report it so to Admiral Pike. He was their Advisor on their gallivanting around space. They had no true mission parameters except wherever Pike and/or Starfleet sent them, whether that was the neutral zone or to be diplomatic as the face of Starfleet.

“Spock.”

“Captain?”

“I read your report. I’ll be abbreviating it. Are you okay with that?”

“Of course, Captain.”

“Good.”

“Captain, Admiral Pike.”

“On screen, Lieutenant.”

“Captain Kirk.”

“Admiral Pike. We have returned from Georan III. I have transmitted each department’s report. As you can see, things did not go well.”

“No, they didn’t.” Pike dragged a hand down his face. “It’ll be fine. We’ll smooth it over. I know you called to give a report, but I believe I should just get you your next mission. Surveying a planet. It’s Class M, that much we know. It’s named Nibiru. Sending you information and coordinates now.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

The transmission went off line and each crew member seemed to hold their breath.

Spock stood from his seat and walked over to Kirk sitting in his chair. “Captain, I love you. I –“

Every head on the bridge turned towards the pair as Spock seemed to turn a bright green standing beside Kirk. He hadn’t meant to say that. Where had that come from? _Really, where had that come from?!_

“Spock, it’s okay. And everyone, back to your tasks. We’ve got another mission. Chekov, set course for Nibiru.”

“Aye, Keptin.”

* * *

 

+1

Dr. McCoy leaned against the wall, hands clenched into fists. “Idiot. Damn idiot.”

Spock walked cautiously into the room, his eyes not on the doctor, but the form lying on the biobed, the white sheet and white blanket pulled up to mid chest. He had watched Jim _die_. Now he was breathing with mechanical assistance, his chest rising and falling at the orders of the ventilator. However, his heart was beating on its own. Khan’s blood had brought Jim back from death, raised him from suspended animation, and given him back life.

Except he wasn’t awake. They would not know if they had saved _Jim_ or just his shell until he finally woke up. _If_ he ever woke up. Khan’s blood circulated through the arteries and veins that were being repaired, bruises fading as the blood healed the damage from the radiation. It was why his heart wasn’t all strong, and his lungs not able to breathe on their own yet. They were heavily damaged. His brain another matter itself.

Spock knew the doctor was doing his best, but there was so much uncertainty in this medical procedure – Dr. McCoy had thrown ethics out the window. He had brought Jim back to life. The unthinkable had happened. But to what cost?

“He’s stable, for now,” Dr. McCoy muttered, walking over tp the bed where Spock stood, looking down at Kirk’s motionless face. McCoy checked the vitals on the wall for the thousandth time and fiddled with the IV. He sighed. “It’s a waiting game at this point.”

“You have done your best, Dr. McCoy. That is all Jim asks of you. It is all he has ever asked of any of us.”

McCoy shrugged. “Yeah, well… Spock?”

“Yes?”

“Why – what – _how could he do this to us?_ ”

Spock glanced away from Jim’s face, wondering the same thing. “To save us all. He valued us before himself. A selfless, reckless heart.”

“Why wasn’t I called? I just – why did he have to die?”

“I will not argue with you now, Doctor. However, there was nothing we could do. Not even you. Your talents were needed elsewhere. Like now.”

McCoy swallowed hard and turned, leaving the room without another word. Spock knew the chief medical officer of the _Enterprise_ had not accepted that answer, however Spock had nothing else to give. He was out of reserves, out of ideas, confused, and lost.

He tentatively took Jim’s left hand and squeezed. He did not receive a squeeze back.

“Jim – oh Jim. How I love you. How this – this was not right. Not okay, not okay.”

* * *

 

-1

“Spock, will you join me in my ready room?”

Spock looked up from his station and gave a mildly perplexed look at his Captain. Nonetheless, he stated, “Of course.”

He stood and followed Jim into the turbolift, where they promptly went down a floor and stepped out into the hallway that would lead to Jim’s ready room.

Once within the confines of the ready room, Jim sighed heavily and sat in his familiar chair at the head of the table. “There has been something I’ve been wanting to tell you for while now, Spock. It’s been a pretty long year of down time and healing and teaching and so much other crap – there really hasn’t been any time to appropriately discuss this.”

“Yes, Captain?” Spock continued to stand in his spot near the door, not moving a muscle.

Jim shrugged. “Well, you have been saying it all along, so I decided to reciprocate the feelings. I hope they are mutual. Spock – I love you.”

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I –I love you._

_I love you_.

Spock continued to remain motionless, his brain working a mile a minute. He knew what it meant. And he knew exactly what his answer was. _Absolutely. Oh god, how I love you. To see you alive and well and back as Captain. My Captain_.

“Spock?”

“I harbor no ill towards those words, Captain. I have been – accidentally saying it. However, now I feel that they were not so accidental.”

Jim managed a broad smile. “Is that right now?”

Spock nodded. “I would agree, Jim. I – I love you very much.” And without another word, he swept Kirk off the chair and pulled him in for a kiss. One that Jim purposefully and joyfully reciprocated with lust.

And maybe, just maybe, they lived happily ever after.


End file.
